Monday, 16 February 2009

Female Friendly Femdom

What is ironic about the Femdom scene is that there is far more men interested in Femdom than there are Women. So why is this? After all you would think Women would find the prospect of dominating men very attractive. But there are many reasons why Women in general do not like Femdom and some of them have explained these concerns to me.

Many Women find Femdom very distasteful because it all seems to be all about the torture and humiliation of men, with Women behaving like sadistic monsters. Which is not how the majority of Women see themselves. Another thing that many Women do not like, is that in the whole Femdom scene, it is men who set the agenda. As Femdom seems to be driven by male sexual fantasies. In fact everything about Femdom seem to be about men’s demands that Women should dominate them!

These sadistic fantasies also create a problem for men, because men reading them get the impression that all dominant Women are also sadistic. The result is that although these fantasies might excite them, they do not want to experience them in real life. For this reason they become too frighten to have a relationship with a dominant Woman, for fear of what she might do to them, simply because they cannot imagine a dominant Woman who is not cruel and sadistic.

This then is the problem with Femdom, it is about men’s sexual fantasies about Dominant Women, and they don’t ask what Women might feel about them. Men have made the mistake of imagining that Women should dominate men in a masculine manner. This is why Femdom men have got Dominant Women to dress up in black leather, and to train and discipline men through force and violence. Black leather is a very masculine form of dress used by people like Hell’s Angels and using whips, canes and torture to impose dominance, again is a very masculine form of dominance.

One of the biggest complaints made by Women in the Femdom scene is that men also tend to, ‘top from the bottom’. This got started with Professional Dominas, the male client will go to a Dominatrix and she will ask her client how he wants to be dominated and she then would act out the role set by the client. Which means the man is the one in control of the whole situation, as the Dominatrix is playing the role created by the man. This is also true of the BDSM scene, as it is still all about men’s sexual fantasies and they are still setting the agenda of what Femdom should be like.

So it is no wonder that some Women have got out of the Femdom scene, or keep away from it, as they don’t feel they are in charge at all. As they rightly point out, it is all about men’s and not Women’s sexual fantasies. Yet in spite of all the problems with the Femdom scene, of men getting it completely wrong and not understanding Women’s needs. The fact is that men, vastly outnumber Women within Femdom and are crying out desperately for Women to dominate them, means there is a lot of unused potential there. So if these men what to experience genuine Female Domination, they have to listen to what Women are saying, and give them what they want.

Admittedly there are many Women out there who are very angry with men and who like nothing better than to get their revenge on them. But even these Women will have problems in being a Dominatrix, because if the man is saying, “I want to be whipped and tortured”, then she is not really punishing him, as she is doing what he wants. In fact the whole idea of ‘punishment’ within the Femdom scene doesn’t work because for many men being whipped or tortured, seems to be more a reward than a punishment.

As was once explained to me by a Dominant Women, to have to physically punish a man for disobedience, or not serving her properly, demonstrates he is not truly submissive. This is because if he was truly submissive, the fact they he has displeased her should be more than punishment enough, because a truly submissive man would want to devote his whole life in serving and pleasing his Mistress and making her happy. So the fact he has failed to do this, should make him very unhappy.

Another thing submissive men in the Femdom scene seem to want, is to be forced to do something against their will. A popular fantasy is to be ‘forced’ to suck a homosexual man’s cock. Yet, in practical terms it would be difficult for any Women to force a man to do anything. After all, the vast majority of men are bigger and stronger than any Women. So unless a Woman is a bodybuilder or martial-art expert she is unlikely to be able to force a man to do anything. But perhaps we need to look at this desire in another way. Perhaps what these men are asking for, is for Women to have such a degree of dominance over them, that they can be forced to do something they would not like to do. The problem is, how can Women do this?

This is only a problem if we were to believe in patriarchal propaganda that claims men are the ‘natural’ dominant sex. This claim is disproved by the military. In every war in history, military leaders have been able to take ordinary men off the street and train them to obey orders without question. In the First World War soldiers were ordered to come out of the trenches and face lethal machine-gun fire, which they obeyed without question. Soldiers can even obey orders to commit suicide. This happened in World War Two when the Japanese military ordered their airmen to make Kamikaze suicide attacks on enemy shipping. None of these airmen refused to disobey this order.

The military know how to brainwash and train any soldier to obey any orders without question. So the fact that the military can do this with any man, suggests that men are naturally submissive. The methods the military use to train men to into unquestioning obedience are not a secret. All they do to new recruits is to continually give them orders which they obey, like, “quick march”, “left-right, left right”, “squad! Turn left.” Etc, etc. The soldiers get to become so used to obeying orders that after awhile they learn to obey automatically.

If we accept what the military is telling us about men’s behavior, then we have to accept that men are naturally submissive. This means that for Women to dominate men, all they have to do is act in a dominant manner. It is true that in the patriarchal society we live in, many men will still resist any Woman who attempts to do this, simply because many men also believe in patriarchal propaganda that they are the ‘natural’ dominant sex. So these men will resist Female Domination because they think they would become ‘unmanly’ or ‘sissies’ if they were to obey Women. But patriarchal propaganda can only work if both the man and Women in a relationship believes in it. Because if a Women believes in patriarchal propaganda then she won’t even attempt to dominate her husband. But if she questions patriarchal propaganda she may realizes that the man is only resisting her, because he has been brought up to believe he should do so. There are many methods Women can use to gain power over men, see my article, “Femdom and Brainwashing Techniques”.

If men are naturally submissive then Women do not actually have to use masculine methods like force and violence to make men obey them. If we take a realistic view of the Femdom scene we find Women don’t have to do a lot to make men obedient. In fact, the opposite is true, it is men who are asking and even demanding that Women should be dominant. All men are asking for or demanding is that Women act out the dominant role.

There is nothing wrong with men fantasying about sadistic Women torturing helpless men, in private. The problem is that if Femdom is represented as being only about this, then few Women will want to get involved in Femdom, as they certainly do not want to play the role of a sadistic or angry Woman.

This is highlighted in the web-site.  (This no longer exists). This is a commercial web-site and so obviously it has to cater for men’s fantasies about sadistic Women. But Goddess Dianna Vesta the owner of the site makes no claim about dominating men through force and violence. She instead claims she is able to dominate men through her dominant attitude. Also unlike many Femdom sites where the dominant Woman looks very angry or very stern, Dianna Vesta is not afraid to show herself smiling and having fun. This was illustrated when she once presented a Femdom radio program on the internet.

In this radio program she interacted with one of her male slaves and throughout it she was mostly laughing. What came through very strongly, was just how much she was enjoying dominating her male slave. And if we are to make Femdom more Female friendly then this side of Femdom needs to be focused upon. So that Femdom becomes more about fun and enjoyment for Women.

If we had more Femdom images and stories about Women having fun and enjoying dominating men, instead of images and stories about sadistic Women. Then I believe more Women would become more interested in Femdom. What I have discovered in my experience is that Dominant Women can also be also be caring and loving Women as well. Again it is only patriarchal propaganda that tells us that the loving and nurturing nature of Women is a ‘weakness’. Whereas in real life woman doesn’t have to sadistic or ruthless to be dominant, I personally know many dominant Women who are also loving, and caring people.

It all requires for submissive men to become truly submissive is listen to Dominant Women’s concerns and give Women what they want, rather than trying to impose their fantasies onto Women.

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